By Roger Webster
I once worked for a real “Dr. Evil.” Granted, at the time, he was a university department head and not in charge of SPECTRE (Special Executive for Counter-Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion). There were no men in black jump suits with machine guns, and the cat was gone, too. But he was in a wheelchair, and I could’ve sworn there was a trap door that hid a shark tank under the floor in his office. Dr. Evil was a compromise candidate – an outsider assigned to our dysfunctional corner of academia. We initially viewed his appointment as a sign of hope. Unfortunately, once installed, things got worse because like all truly ruthless people, Dr. Evil had a personal agenda. And he was willing to do anything to see it materialize.
First, he played on our hopes. People would want to leave the department, but he curbed those thoughts with his charm. However bad things were, he would say sympathetically, “Things will get better, just give it a chance.” And, “Keep in mind that this is but a temporary blip in your career…"
Second, Dr. Evil demanded loyalty. This was odd, because he turned a blind eye to just about any form of backstabbing and slander amongst his employees, which resulted in all of the normal rules of workplace ethics being thrown out the window. If you received a travel grant and mentioned it to a colleague who was just as deserving (but didn’t receive one), you put your own career at risk. Why? Because Dr. Evil treated research grants as favors to be kept between him and his lackeys. The result was a workplace where secrets and whispers were the norm, and very few people were willing to open their mouths – unless it was to praise the boss.
And Dr. Evil loved to be praised. In fact, he loved it so much that he would accept praise, even if others did the work. In meetings, he would shoot down ideas that looked to be even remotely beneficial to the department. Those ideas, however, would re-appear two or three meetings later, slightly altered and now authored, of course, by Dr. Evil.
So what happened to Dr. Evil?
I’d like to say that Agent 007 appeared and we fed him to his own sharks – but that only happens in the movies. No, Dr. Evil eventually left us for the promotion he’d wanted all along.
But those who experienced Dr. Evil learned some valuable lessons about dealing with ruthless and immoral superiors:
Keep records. Always document your own work, and if something happens that seems shady, also document that.
Don’t antagonize a Dr. Evil. The Dr. Evils of this world often get promoted, and if you’re on their wrong side, they can make your time at work very unpleasant.
Be ready to be fired. Make sure you have a plan, and be prepared to act on it.
Accumulate allies. These are important for support and security.
