By Mark Grzeskowiak
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven... Conventional wisdom tells a supervisor that there’s nothing to be gained from losing his or her temper with staff. Shouting, stamping their feet, gesticulating wildly with their hands, pulling the hair from their head, making their eyes bulge, and throwing things (at the walls, of course) will not change the poor work habits of their employees.
Conventional wisdom, however, is not always right. There is, believe it or not, a proper time to lose it. And it can be very effective.
We’ve all watched a game of hockey or football, in which the favored team is not performing well. They’re down by three goals or two touchdowns. They look tired and every play seems to go against them. Worse still, it looks as though their hearts just aren’t in it. Halftime comes and off they trudge to the locker room, battered, frustrated, angry, and no doubt already looking forward to taking a shower and going home.
But something happens. The team emerges from the locker room, and from the moment the game is resumed, it’s clear that their attitude has changed. Suddenly, things are going their way. Now they’re winning every play. They start to claw their way back from what seemed – mere minutes earlier – to be an insurmountable deficit.
We’re never privy to what happened in that locker room – for all we know, the players could have been substituted with super-powered robots.
That is, unless we’ve been there ourselves.
The men’s indoor soccer team I was coaching had been together for a couple of years. In previous seasons, the best we could do was to finish in the bottom half of the league standings. This season, however, we really began to gel as a team. People got along with one another, they were willing to make sacrifices for one another, and although there were stars on the team, there were no egos.
It was a Sunday night and we were in one of the league’s semi-finals. My players were excited about the game, but they looked a bit tired. Some even complained about the timing of the game, and about the fact that they had to go to work the next day, a Monday.
Things didn’t start well. Within the first few minutes, we had already given up a goal. One more was added to minus column a few minutes later, and by the half, we were down by three goals. My players looked battered, frustrated, angry, and I was pretty sure, at halftime, that some of them wanted to take a shower and go home.
I knew that I could try to reason with them. “Gentlemen,” I could say, “we’ve come a long way. You’ve worked hard to get here. Don’t give up now. We can still win this game. All it takes is a little more effort. Please.”
Instead, for the first time as their coach, I lost it.
I was the last one in the locker room and slammed the door shut behind me. I threw my water bottle against the wall and kicked over the garbage can. My eyes bulged, I threw up my arms, and I roared at my players:
What the !#!$!%! do you guys think that you’re doing!? Did we come here at 10 o’clock on a Sunday night to waste our %!$!#! time!? Are you going to give up just like that!? Are you going to throw away an entire season just like that?! Take a look around you! I know that each and every one of you can do better! I know that we are the best team in this league! Now is the time to prove it! There are no second chances here! Where’s your hunger?! Whoever isn’t willing to give 200% can go home right now! I won’t be sad and no one else will either! The rest of you can decide if you’re going to walk off that field victors or crawl off that field as losers! Here’s what you did wrong in the first half, and here’s what you did right …
Part of me believes that my team went out and won that game because of their utter shock at my having fallen so completely out of character. Anyone familiar with me knows that my first instinct is always to try to reason with others, and that I’m not the type of person who shouts or gets angry easily.
Another part of me knows that reason has its limits. We are, after all, human beings, and there are times when motivating others to improve their performance requires more than just laying out the theoretical possibilities. Provided that it is done properly – i.e., that it’s focused on the here and now, kept positive (no matter how angry the delivery), imparts real and useful feedback, and is genuine – losing it with those you coach, manage, or supervise can produce results.
Don’t ever let anybody tell you any different.
