
It was partly my own fault. I realize that now. I naively accepted an invitation on LinkedIn to connect with someone I didn’t know. I did confirm that this person was in the employment field, and since I’m terrible at remembering names, I thought that we may have met at a conference somewhere. I still don’t know whether that’s the case, but as soon as I accepted the invitation, this person started to spam me with email after email about openings he was trying to fill. And therein lies the central problem with LinkedIn, at least as it is currently used by a very large number of people. LinkedIn advertises itself as a networking tool for professionals. That’s fine. But building up a huge (or even a small) address book of contacts is not networking. In fact, given that networking is actually a form of dialogue that is most appropriately practiced as an integral part of one’s business day, what’s going on at LinkedIn today is best described as “notworking.” You see, the Golden Rule of Networking is that you have to give as good as you get. It’s fundamentally an exchange of information, ideas, and/or assistance from which both parties derive value. That mutual allocation of benefit establishes familiarity and trust, and those two factors are the twin pillars of a relationship. When networking is working, that’s what it creates—a relationship. How Do Relationships Happen? Now, if you’ve ever been in a relationship, you know two things about them. First, you quickly learn that they are hard work. That’s why the word is spelled the way it is: it’s netWORK, not net-get-around-to-it-whenever-you-feel-like-it. And second, you come to appreciate that relationships take time to develop. They don’t happen with the click of a mouse, whether you’re on LinkedIn or Facebook or any other social or professional “networking” site. And sadly, my connection on LinkedIn understood neither of those points. As he put it when I asked him to stop sending me his intrusive email, “When you linked to me you agreed to receive email notifications and to network with me.” Well, my friend, that’s not networking. First, you’re not working at building a relationship with me. You’re spamming me with unwanted email. Second, there’s no reciprocity here. All of the value in our interaction accrues to you. You want me to provide the names of people I know for your openings, yet you haven’t taken the time to get to know me or to offer me anything of commensurate value. You aren’t giving as good as you get. You’re just taking what’s useful to you.