Peggy Whitson has spent 665 days in space, more than any other US astronaut and more than any other female astronaut in the world. You don’t associate Peggy Whitson with failure. But...
Photo Credit: NASA Johnson, Flickr
Peggy Whitson has spent 665 days in space, more than any other US astronaut and more than any other female astronaut in the world. She holds a doctorate in biochemistry and was the first woman to serve as NASA’s chief astronaut and the first woman to command the International Space Station. She is on the cover of this month’s National Geographic as the face of a new TV series “One Strange Rock,” which premieres later this month.
You don’t associate Peggy Whitson with failure.
So it might surprise you to learn that over the course of 10 years while working at NASA, Whitson applied, was rejected, and re-applied several times over to become an astronaut before she was eventually selected. Rejection, you might say, was a constant during this time in her career, and yet she has become arguably the most accomplished female astronaut to date.
Why do some people buckle under the stinging disappointment of rejection, while others, like Whitson, thrive in spite of it (perhaps even because of it?) and go on to great professional success?
How one reacts to rejection obviously has a lot to do with things like emotional stability, mental toughness, experience, personality, one’s background or upbringing, and just pure grit. But, the ability to endure in the face of being told “no” and to turn rejection into a motivator or even springboard to future successes is a valuable professional and personal trait that can be cultivated over time.
So, how exactly do you get better at being rejected and learn to use these experiences to your professional advantage? If you’ve ever been turned down for a job you wanted, passed over for a promotion, fired, denied a research grant or lost a fellowship or, in general, experienced a professional disappointment that still smarts when you think of it, consider making these 8 useful tactics a part of your coping strategy and professional outlook:
1. Persist!
Perhaps the greatest lesson we can learn from Whitson’s repeated rejection to the astronaut program is that, simply put, she just kept applying… and applying and applying. If you know exactly what you want for your professional future, you know you’re qualified and capable to achieve it and thrive in the role, then giving up should not be an option.
2. Know your odds
You’re applying to a tenure-track research job along with 500 other qualified candidates who, you’re sure, have all published more than you. You’re desperate to get that prestigious research fellowship only offered to 5 scientists worldwide. You’re dreaming of landing that one “big” sales account to wow the socks off your company’s leadership. The odds are low. It’s a longshot. But… as one physician who writes on coping with rejection puts it, “Know ahead of time what the chances are of a particular effort being successful. If the odds are long, that is not a reason for not trying; it is a reason not to be discouraged by failure.”
So, yes, know you’re odds and face that tough reality. But don’t ever let that stop you from going after what you really want.
3. Reach out to a mentor
When faced with rejection, it’s also important to have a positive, encouraging support system. Yes, family and friends can be lifesavers during these times, reminding you of what’s truly important and giving you all the reassurance you need. But, a professional mentor is a unique kind of support because, unlike some or all of your friends and family, he or she knows the ins and outs of your field and can comfort, motivate, and advise you in very specific, knowledgeable ways. Finding a mentor is not always the easiest thing to do, but ideally they should be in your field and know the industry, be trustworthy and discreet while, at the same time, brutally honest. A good mentor will know how to shore up your bruised ego after a rejection without blowing smoke and will also give you valuable advice about how to move forward and reach your goals.
4. Know when to change course
If you face repeated rejection, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re headed down the wrong path. But, knowing when to change course, or, at the very least, re-evaluate the strategy you have for achieving your goals, is a good skill to have. If you’re going after a particular type of position for, say, a few years, you should re-evaluate each time you apply and ask yourself, “Am I applying because I truly want this and believe in its benefits to my professional and personal life” or “Am I applying because I’m angry that I was rejected and I need to prove to myself that I can get it, even though I’m not sure it’s really good for me.” Be honest with yourself and examine the true reasons you’re laser-focused on a particular goal.
5. It’s not always your fault
Resist the knee-jerk, perpetually human reaction to perceive rejection as a personal slight. You may feel like you’ve been kicked in the teeth professionally and told in so many words that you’re subpar, but oftentimes the rejection has absolutely nothing to do with you. Internalizing every rejection as a personal repudiation of your professional abilities and your character ignores scores of other factors that you’ll likely never be aware of (like budget, hiring needs, the whims of leadership, job market trends, labor laws, etc.).
6. But sometimes it is your fault…
A wise professional is a self-aware professional. While you should never take rejection as a deeply personal failure, you can take the opportunity to reevaluate your qualifications as an applicant or job candidate. Perhaps you need more training in a particular area? Or a few more years experience in a leadership role? Or a higher or different degree? Or more publications? Be honest with yourself about any gaps or omissions in your resume/CV, and take the necessary steps to fill them. And then, once you’re confident you can fulfill the duties or expectations in front of you, take a cue from astronaut Whitson and keep reapplying until you get what you want.
7. Stay healthy
Rejection can take its toll, not just mentally or emotionally, but physically too. When you’re experiencing a period of professional rejection and reevaluation, it’s more important than ever to maintain a healthy lifestyle so that you can be fully present in your professional life and have the endurance, stamina, and overall positive outlook you need to keep plugging away.
8. Life goes on
Don’t let the sting of rejection creep over into all aspects of your life, especially personal. Remember the bigger picture and ground yourself in the knowledge that you’re taking careful, deliberate steps to achieve your goals even in the face of rejection or adversity. Focus on all the good that you have around you and the positive personal relationships you cherish. You’re far more defined by these emotional ties than your job title, so don’t let rejection blur your sights as to what’s most important in your life.
