How to Create a Bad Impression with No Effort at All (Part II)

By Cynthia M Piccolo

Previously on MedHunters, we addressed How to Create a Bad Impression with No Effort at All in interviews.

In numerous places on MedHunters, we've advised people to be careful about spelling, grammar, punctuation, and presentation in résumés and cover letters. (Examples include: Write the Right Résumé, Write an Effective Cover Letter, Dear Cindy – A Healthcare Recruiter Driven Crazy By Jargon, Dear Cindy – Excellent Cover Letter, Wrong Employer, Dear Cindy – Types of Résumés.) Now, added to this, we've developed a collection of items from actual cover letters and résumés to create How to Create a Bad Impression with No Effort at All – Two!

First, yes, these are all real. They've been collected over a few years. Second, with one or two exceptions, these items are from native English speakers. Third, in order to give you the real effect, we haven't corrected capitalization, spelling, punctuation, or grammar. Finally, we have cut out portions of sentences, but never to create false errors, just to shorten material.

Things Not to Say in Cover Letters & Basic Queries

Applicant's Actual Written Statement	What the Employer Might Think
i am a registered nurse (batchelors) and would like to explore an opportunity … I would appreciate information on hiering and vacancies …?	The "batchelors" must be from a non-accredited school.
Could ypu please send me information regarding Librarian jods … in particular the Clinican Librarian post now vacant?	With spelling like this, I wonder what his library shelves look like!
Please accept this letter and the accompanying resume as my application for the position of Human Recruitment Assistant.	You'd think someone in HR would know better.
i dont want long hours 37 is enough in one week and i dont want late nights or much weekend work im a good pharmacist and im brilliant with people im the best id say!!!!!!!!!!!!	What can we say?
I have two bachelors and have many years teaching experience …	If only I could be so lucky!
I seek a position at your hospital teaching English for Speical Purposes and Technical English … I am form the USA, have a B.A. degree in English.	He definitely makes the American educational system look bad.
hello, hi, my name is NAME, obtained my eduction in the united stated, i have a B.S degree om radiology, currntly i am working a as an M.R.I tech. i have five years of experince in M.R.I and 2 years in Dagnostic imagin. I am really intersted in working for your hospital. Please send me more information about the sallery. Thank your very much..	See note above.
I am a mature Canadian woman (single) who is looking to either nurse or teach english … I am TESOL certified to teach english to students of other languages …	And she makes the Canadian educational system look bad.
Then I started working as a Transcriptionist for the period of 2 years. Then as a Editor. Now presently I am working as Chief Quality Control. I have been taking care of the training also in the same company. I have through knowledge of medical terminology, English grammar, rules for punctuation and formatting etc	This person is an editor?
Just looked instering. I wanted to inquire about the pay amd also of the benifits.	I don't know quite what this person is saying.
Hello, Could you please tell me what PICU is for.	If you don't know, you won't be working on it.
In two weeks I will be Joining one of the IV league group of hospitals.	Maybe not, if the hospital sees this cover letter.
I wanted to check if you have any opportunities … for an american board certified infectious physician.	Maybe. Depends on the infection.
I am especially interested in healthcare related position because my experience and blinding strong communication channel with healthcare providers within health care work environment prepare me for all the challenging jobs.	He does what?
I'm interspersed in relocation.	Is this the same as "all caught up in"?
I m an doctor with lot of medical writing experience. I have also worked as medical journalist in USA and with associations of many hospitals. … Can I apply for Medical Editor job.	No.
please consister my crudents if you have any positions	I'd consider her crudents, if I knew what these were. Are they like crudités?

Things Not to Say in Resumes

Applicant's Actual Written Statement	What the Employer Might Think
American Board of Internal Medicine (legible 2001)	Does this mean he got his boards before 2001, but the certificate was illegible?
I have short-sightedness (mild).	Don't put this person in charge of planning.
Orthopeadic tecnicain	You'd think a person could spell the title of his own job, but …
My background in healthcare is unique and powerful.	Wow!
A Multi-facade cardiac/neuro technologist.	So he makes a showy, false impression of being a cardiac/neuro tech?
Achievements: Constructed HR department from manila files …	Based on this experience, is this person applying for an architect's job, a construction job, or an HR job?
Dependents: 26 yr. 25yr. Both independent.	I guess the nest is no longer empty.